someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
