$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
