I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
