I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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