It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My bed is full of blood and feathers
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
