used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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