she was so not down for the gang bang
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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