and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
