My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
