i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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