my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
