I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
