Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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