I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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