we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
