Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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