i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
