so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
