words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
