So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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