theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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