even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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