it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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