He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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