I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
