Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
