I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
