I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
