haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
