Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
