Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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