Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize