i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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