So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize