Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
