Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
