I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
