You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
