a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
