I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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