his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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