Betty ford says i'm here all night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
