Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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