It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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