so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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