So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
