There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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