Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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