you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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