Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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