I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
