In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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