Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
