cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
