I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.