I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
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We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER