They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
