I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
