ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
