I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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