You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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