i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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