Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
