brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
