I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
