We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
