you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
