Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
