am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
smell my finger.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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