woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
